Surviving the first week..

Ok, so that title is just an outright lie.

I still haven't done Day 2 of P90X. I did a Pilates session on Saturday and had class tonight. I skipped cycling yesterday to get my hair done after work. The problem I've been having is getting motivated again. I was on such a good streak the last month to better myself.....

Now that I'm sitting here thinking about it, I think work has been extremely difficult and frustrating lately. I don't like bringing work home but I feel like it's really affecting how I'm feeling in my personal life when I'm attempting new things. I don't want to feel the frustration of not being able to learn Italian as fast as I think I should, or disappoint myself when I don't keep up with my workouts on the schedule I planned. It's more like a guideline than actual rules..

Some coworkers tell me things in a degrading tone of voice, or ask me to do the same task numerous times like I've forgotten how to complete it. Working 8, sometimes more, hours in a day, that takes a lot out of you.

Boy, the above sounds really whiny for someone who was begging to have her job back. I'm just really stressed and need to get my butt in gear and start looking forward to going to work again. These past 3 weeks have been really draining and I just need to get past the frustration.

Speaking of work, I have an hour earlier start than normal tomorrow and I haven't even started the overhaul process of getting ready for bed.

"Up is down. Now that's just maddeningly unhelpful. Why are these things never clear?" ~ Cpt. Jack Sparrow Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Unexpected Arrival

I was anticipating that my P90X would arrive at the end of the month. To my surprise, I checked the mail after work and had a slip from the Post Office that said I had a package at the leasing office. That sent my mind reeling, as I was mentally prepared for this to show up much later. However, no time like the present, no?

I really had to work against the fates that the evening had for me just to get the workout completed. Running to Target, I gathered all my supplies (squashing what I had saved on the DVD set when purchased at a discount) and set to quickly assembling the pull-up bar that sits in the door way.

Only to find out the door that I wanted it in, the ceiling is too short and it won't fit. Okay, so I flipped it around and now it won't fit because the door is in the way. I decided I could take the door off it's hinges and just set it against the wall. So I get the bottom three screws off of the door and start to work on the top. The paint is so thick on the door that I can't even find the screws to get the door off. Grrr. Reattach the screws and look at the only other doorway in my place.

Plan B.

The door to my closet is my last hope and thank goodness it worked out and it fits (and yes, I did take the door off the hinges before I realized I didn't have to. Genius at work here, move along). I move the furniture, get my yoga mat out, change and hit play on the 1st DVD you're supposed to watch. This is the equivalent of "buy our supplements, bars, and protein shakes, abide by our diet or all the hard work you do in the workout won't be effective". Whatever, I'm trying to get stronger (and hopefully look better in the process) not train for a marathon.

Halfway through the video my phone rings and I have to deal with my dad not knowing how to navigate (ha!) his TomTom. I help him and at this point I'm sitting on my couch staring at the first DVD wondering if I do this if I'll survive. The infomercials look pretty intense, so I was nervous even to start.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Don't get me wrong, it was intense, but it wasn't impossible. I had to stop a few of them early, or slow down, but it wasn't discouraging at all. I'm thankful that there are options to turn off the guy's (Tony's) voice when you get used to the workout and just need the prompts to change the workout or listen to the counts. He gets a little irritating, but not to the point of distraction (yet).

Woke up sore this morning, but nothing that I wasn't used to and had a Pilates session this morning. I usually don't sweat too much, but I was a dripping mess today. Will be extremely sore tomorrow I'm sure. I'm skipping day 2 DVD and doing it on Sunday since I already worked out this morning. I'm not crazy enough to do 2 a days yet.

I'm pretty excited to see Tasha and hang out at Hamburger Marys tonight. I know things have happened, but I feel my head is in a better place and I know what to expect out of our friendship now. Nothing negative whatsoever, I just have compartmentalized my feelings and how to express them in a proper way without hurting feelings.

"Fitness -if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body." - Cher

Evaluating Happiness

A few things have happened this year to increase my motivation to really take the time for some self-evaluation. I've been having some serious problems watching, and letting, important friendships slip away, my lack of patience issues escalating (even more so than my normal smarty-pants-ness), and just general dissatisfaction with how I'm conducting my life.

I decided to make a few phone calls to my friends who by now (in my head) have an increasing agitation against me because we haven't spoken, only to find out that hey! Guess what? They lead busy lives, too. It was nice chatting with a few of my friends to find out what they've been doing, only when it came to my turn to share, the conversation was pretty much over (in all but 1 case). I've found I'm a much better listener than talker. I seem to be able to write about myself just fine because I'm minus a familiar audience and the normal broken flow of conversation.

Do you ever feel like once the conversation ball is in your court, you don't really want the attention, or your experiences will seem "boring" in comparison? I always do. I enjoy hearing my friend's trials and tribulations because a great majority of them are fantastic storytellers. I sometimes have opportunities to speak, but I'm too in tune if the listener has, well, stopped listening. So I arrive at a screeching halt and start asking questions and hope to engage the person to talk again.

This has unfortunately led me to bottle up a lot of animosity to my conversation partners and I've really been abusing this blog, where I normally would let all this stuff out. I want to keep this going so I can get my feelings out somewhere and out of my head, where they will stew and create a big, steaming, pot of bitter.

I recently purchased Rosetta Stone Italiano edition and have done a few sessions. Once I get a schedule together, I think it will really help me. I'm currently listening to Laura Pausini to keep the Italian words fresh in my head. I do have to admit, I'm surprised that I like French music much better. The language sounds so sexy, glamorous (yes, I just sang Fergie so I could spell that right!), and fun. Maybe it will be a different story once I'm not learning the language and I actually know it!

Last week, I attended an orientation for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I really hope to be a part of this organization and be involved in helping a little girl who doesn't get the attention that she needs to grow. I'm well aware I sound like a cheese-ball infomercial (and I would know). I just thought that with all the monetary aid that the world needs, I cannot donate to all the organizations that I would like, but time is something that is easily donated. I won't hear back for around 6 months on if more girls have joined the BBBS program, so it's plenty of time to get me back on track before I go try and be a good influence!

I've been reading more on the religious books that I purchased however long ago to educate myself on spirituality. I want to get a handle on my smart mouth and think before I speak, put myself in that person's shoes and just learn some patience. I seriously need to make a calendar tonight to make sure that I make time for all this! It's beginning to be a big list and about to get bigger...

I purchased P90X on Amazon last night and it should be here by the end of the month. I really feel like my body is at a plateau. I've been doing well going to Pilates and cycling, but I've gained weight! I don't think it's muscle either judging by my pants not fitting any looser than they did at the beginning. So I'm brining in the big guns - okay, so I was sold watching the informercial and way to close to my CC and the computer. At least I found it for $100 cheaper than they were selling it for! That's my justification and I'm sticking to it. They have a nutrition guide, but we'll see how much cow and pig they want you to eat (bleh). That may be the reason for the lack of clothes fitting, but I refuse to believe that I'm cheating that much. I also gave up on the food diary. I didn't like making myself feel guilty for indulging (see that right there? That is the definition of "ignorance is bliss").

Blogging - check

Italian language - half check

Exercise - Furniture is moved, I'm dressed, and ready for belly dancing (there's a reason people make bank off at-home exercise DVD's, I would never do this in a class)

I've recently started following Deepak Chopra on Twitter and I love reading all his (sometimes multiple) daily words of wisdom. He posts either his thoughts or shares quotes from others who have influenced him.

"To bring yourself love and happiness, do what you can to bring them to others". ~Deepak Chopra