Holy Rusted Metal, Batman!

I've been watching way too many superhero flicks lately. The gravitational pull of a completely unrealistic environment is too appealing. I enjoy being lost in another world, even for just a couple hours. 

I watched Superman: The Movie for the first time last night and I really enjoyed it. I think I related to Superman and his constant battle to balance who he is (Kal-El) and who he has to pretend to be (Clark Kent).  Except for the opposite. I feel like I have to be Superman on the outside to hide the real me, Clark Kent. I put on this whole show of looking hard to find a job (which I really am), that the lay-off didn't affect me, and that I'm perfectly fine on my own. 

The truth?

Frustration isn't even the beginning of what I feel as I'm doing this job search and hoping that something comes up, quickly. I cannot stand the fact that I am having such a hard time falling asleep at night because I'm not physically, and mentally, tired from working all day. Not to mention I'm not mentally peachy keen at the moment.

I'm lonely. Achingly lonely and becoming more and more aware of how lonely I am every day. Being holed up during the week with only a computer and my thoughts is getting really dangerous. You would imagine having so much time to think would help me sleep peacefully, but it's the fact I have time to think about my aloneness, that's making my mind run 100 mph all the time. Running, almost to the point of obsession, the reasons why I'm still alone. These thoughts are usually always in the back of my mind and I don't deal with them often. 

I really dislike how I'm thinking right now because I'm not a "woe is me" kind of girl. I also feel that I don't have it nearly as bad as others that have been affected by the recession. There is no one, right now, that I feel comfortable discussing this with because I feel so selfish worrying someone with my thoughts where there's so much more going on in their lives. That no doubt trump what my overactive imagination is conjuring. 

"Am I blue, yes I'm blue, how could I have been such a fool, now look at all the misery I'm going through." -Am I Blue - George Strait

There Goes Another One

I'm just going to start with the bad news and get it out of the way:

I became one of many who have been laid off from work just last Wednesday. It has been one of the saddest days that I've had to endure in a long time. I'm the type of person who gets stressed out with real life and throws their whole being into work. So what happens when that gets taken away? 

I throw myself into finding other work. This is a lot easier said than done, people. Like the past week of trying to find someone to help me find a job has become another job in and of itself.  I am still pretty depressed about losing my job and I just hope that if when? I land an interview, I can show I'm fully over my last job. It's going to be a tough sell, but I think I'll manage. 

In much happier news:

A close friend of mine asked me to be one of her bridesmaids after she found out one of her cousins couldn't make it to the wedding. Oddly enough, I'm not offended about being a last-minute addition to the bridal party. I'm honored that she thought of me, even though we've known each other for just over a year. So I got measured for my dress Monday and now I've got to find some shoes. I guess being unemployed makes shopping a little easier since I can go during the weekdays. Maybe this has been a blessing in disguise really, really, really, camouflaged!

Just bought Kelly Clarkson's new album on iTunes and I love it so far! I've been switching between her and Duffy lately. I finally got a little iTrip so I can listen to my music in the car and stop fumbling with CD's while I'm driving. I've had 3 of those iTrip's and they keep changing the iPod model it's compatible with. Damn you, Apple! If this version of iTrip isn't compatible with the next-gen iPod, you are officially on notice.

As the job search becomes longer, the blogs may become more frequent. Watch out, now.

Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope.