It's been a while.

Entirely too many things have happened since the last posting and I've had a lot on my mind lately, so it seemed like a good time to get it out (I've been neglecting yoga which is attributing to my hyperactive mind).

There was a death in my family in May, which I still haven't been able to process. It was sudden, and shocking when we received the news that my cousin's little boy had left us way too soon. That's all I can really articulate on the matter without getting weepy or start speculating on how the rest of my family is coping with this devastating news.

During this extremely hard time, I found out that I was being offered my old job back on a temporary basis. I have since been extended until the beginning of March. It has been a roller coaster of emotions going from being sad and angry about the lay off, then devastated about the death in the family, and finally, to a guilty exuberance of receiving good news during such a sad time.

I feel like I've been working ten times harder than I ever thought possible. I was given multiple responsibilities to add on top of my original duties, and it's made the days fly by. I miss the people who originally did these jobs, but I hope that I'm proving myself to be a good worker bee and I can keep my job. I really enjoy what I'm doing and, even with constant discouragement, I can't see myself anywhere else right now. Ok, enough about work.

On another positive slash negative topic. My birthday was this past Sunday and every year, I'm reminded about who actually gives a hoot about me, and the pool is getting smaller every year by the way, enough to call one day out of the year to tell me "happy birthday".

I planned a little party and wasn't sure how many people would be able to go because it was so last minute, but I didn't anticipate there would be so many last-minute cancellations and no-shows. The friends who did show up, were awesome and we had a great time. I really am lucky to have them in my life and for them to be so supportive of me, particularly this year.

I've finally decided to let go how some of the people in my life act because I'm tired of being disappointed by them about time, huh? I have realized that my perfectionism has trickled from my work ethic to my personal life. Huh. No wonder why I'm single. We're just full of revelations tonight!

On another fun birthday note, on top of my fantastic party this last weekend, I finally got to see my Dolphins play live! They lost, but they won on my birthday so it was good they finally got a win especially against the Bills. We're going to have a tough year with Pennington out, but I hope Henne will get better as he gets more game experience.

I was inspired by the movie Julie & Julia to start a type of blog. So I was thinking of doing a fashion one-a-day blog about all the interesting things people wear everyday, or maybe every weekend..... Or a blog about all the things I eat. I think the latter has been done before....heck, everything has a blog now. I'll mull it over for a few days since I've been contemplating getting a new camera that doesn't spit the battery at me every time I pick it up. This may be a fun new project to do.

He's all right! Aren't you, cat? Poor cat! Poor slob! Poor slob without a name! The way I see it I haven't got the right to give him one. We don't belong to each other. We just took up one day by the river. I don't want to own anything until I find a place where me and things go together. I'm not sure where that is but I know what it is like. It's like Tiffany's. ~Holly Golightly Breakfast at Tiffany's

Holy Rusted Metal, Batman!

I've been watching way too many superhero flicks lately. The gravitational pull of a completely unrealistic environment is too appealing. I enjoy being lost in another world, even for just a couple hours. 

I watched Superman: The Movie for the first time last night and I really enjoyed it. I think I related to Superman and his constant battle to balance who he is (Kal-El) and who he has to pretend to be (Clark Kent).  Except for the opposite. I feel like I have to be Superman on the outside to hide the real me, Clark Kent. I put on this whole show of looking hard to find a job (which I really am), that the lay-off didn't affect me, and that I'm perfectly fine on my own. 

The truth?

Frustration isn't even the beginning of what I feel as I'm doing this job search and hoping that something comes up, quickly. I cannot stand the fact that I am having such a hard time falling asleep at night because I'm not physically, and mentally, tired from working all day. Not to mention I'm not mentally peachy keen at the moment.

I'm lonely. Achingly lonely and becoming more and more aware of how lonely I am every day. Being holed up during the week with only a computer and my thoughts is getting really dangerous. You would imagine having so much time to think would help me sleep peacefully, but it's the fact I have time to think about my aloneness, that's making my mind run 100 mph all the time. Running, almost to the point of obsession, the reasons why I'm still alone. These thoughts are usually always in the back of my mind and I don't deal with them often. 

I really dislike how I'm thinking right now because I'm not a "woe is me" kind of girl. I also feel that I don't have it nearly as bad as others that have been affected by the recession. There is no one, right now, that I feel comfortable discussing this with because I feel so selfish worrying someone with my thoughts where there's so much more going on in their lives. That no doubt trump what my overactive imagination is conjuring. 

"Am I blue, yes I'm blue, how could I have been such a fool, now look at all the misery I'm going through." -Am I Blue - George Strait

There Goes Another One

I'm just going to start with the bad news and get it out of the way:

I became one of many who have been laid off from work just last Wednesday. It has been one of the saddest days that I've had to endure in a long time. I'm the type of person who gets stressed out with real life and throws their whole being into work. So what happens when that gets taken away? 

I throw myself into finding other work. This is a lot easier said than done, people. Like the past week of trying to find someone to help me find a job has become another job in and of itself.  I am still pretty depressed about losing my job and I just hope that if when? I land an interview, I can show I'm fully over my last job. It's going to be a tough sell, but I think I'll manage. 

In much happier news:

A close friend of mine asked me to be one of her bridesmaids after she found out one of her cousins couldn't make it to the wedding. Oddly enough, I'm not offended about being a last-minute addition to the bridal party. I'm honored that she thought of me, even though we've known each other for just over a year. So I got measured for my dress Monday and now I've got to find some shoes. I guess being unemployed makes shopping a little easier since I can go during the weekdays. Maybe this has been a blessing in disguise really, really, really, camouflaged!

Just bought Kelly Clarkson's new album on iTunes and I love it so far! I've been switching between her and Duffy lately. I finally got a little iTrip so I can listen to my music in the car and stop fumbling with CD's while I'm driving. I've had 3 of those iTrip's and they keep changing the iPod model it's compatible with. Damn you, Apple! If this version of iTrip isn't compatible with the next-gen iPod, you are officially on notice.

As the job search becomes longer, the blogs may become more frequent. Watch out, now.

Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope. 

The Countdown Begins

It seems like forever since the last time I've been able to sit down and write. There's been an increase in fitness, planning The Best Trip Ever, and the Oscars! Oh where to begin...

My department is participating in a Fantasy Football-esque competition that centers around a healthy lifestyle. So I've been downing 64 oz of water a day, and running to the little lady's room the rest of the day increasing my steps so I have to wear a goofy pedometer, and I'm trying to maintain my exercise obviously not at this second. The great thing about going on a trip is that I'm going to kick ass in the walking category but fail miserably everywhere else. I'm going to Italy and I'll be drinking wine, not water, thank you very much!

Speaking of Italy, we finally got the last of the actual trip details finalized. We're heading to Rome the weekend I fly in and then to London the next weekend. I'll have the week to explore Milan. I still cannot believe I'm going!! I'm beyond ecstatic to be in one of the Fashion Capitals of the World and stare in the windows of Armani and Versace because I dare not go in as a mere peasant of somewhere so fabulous. I'm going to take in as much of the fashion scene as I can.

Speaking of fashion, I really love how my whole post actually ties together! recession, or no recession, there is no excuse for boring fashion at the Oscars. I will primarily be talking about the women as the men are either eh, blah, or nice save for Daniel Craig who looked every bit Bond and made me a little envious of his tailor, holy smokes. I know a lot of people ragged on Miley Cyrus, but I liked her dress. The square neckline was flattering, she wasn't showing too much cleavage for her age, and the petals around the dress were so pretty. I loved the color and it was a perfect, youthful, look for her finally!.

I wasn't a big fan of Evan Rachel Wood's "Hi, I'm Marilyn Manson's girlfriend and have-no-sense-of-my-own-style-so-I-borrowed-from-his-ex" phase and have been pleasantly surprised at her recent award show gowns though her posing still reeks of Von Tease. Her Elie Saab tiered black dress was incredible at the Golden Globes and she followed up with an equally fabulous Elie Saab ivory dress, with beautiful wrapping detail in the bodice.

Natalie Portman rarely misses and she looked fantastic in a lavendery-pink Rodarte strapless gown. It has the similar wrapping detail as Wood's, but with some added finishing peaking out from under the layers in the bodice. The color worked brilliantly with her skin tone and the dress didn't overpower her petite frame. I loved it. Alicia Keys also wore a beautiful pink-y dress but at the moment I cannot find a picture of her to describe it well. You'll just have to trust me that she looked stunning, as always. 

Amy Adams also looked fantastic. She had that red Carolina Herrera dress with the beautiful black piping to really make the detail in the bodice stand out. I also loved the pleat in the center front of the dress. The jewels grew on me the more I looked at them, but I would have wore something a little less chunky. The colors were beautiful but I thought the size of it competed with the detail in bodice too much. Ah well. She looked gorgeous either way. 

I enjoyed the new format of the Oscars it made it feel a hell of a lot faster don't you think? minus the unnecessary fast-cut from Jennifer Aniston, presenting on stage with Jack Black, to Angelina Jolie, sitting in the audience. What the hell else is she supposed to do but have a cheesy grin on her face as her tabloid-nemesis is on stage with her Panda co-star? Honestly. I love ABC, but give me a break. Whoever ordered that cut should get a slap upside the head for his insensitivity. I'm watching the Oscars, not E! 

Hugh Jackman was an interesting choice as host. I do love musicals but I got up and did dishes during his opening song. I haven't seen any of the Best Picture nominees so I wasn't really interested in hearing about them, not to mention Wolverine singing about them. I loved how they had the same presenters for similar awards and the past winners saying wonderful things about this years nominees. 

I did shout out during the Best Picture category "Wall-E! Dark Knight!" Because I think those two films got jipped out of a nomination. This is why no one watches the Oscars. When you spend all night showing us clips of action/comedy movies that the entire world went and watched, yet the Academy doesn't nominate them for anything significant, hello? You think there might be some massive divide between Academy snobs and people who go to movies to be entertained? I think so.

My reasons why I didn't see any of the Best Picture Nominees:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button : it looked like a role Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett took just because they knew it was Oscar material. Any time an actor/actress goes through a physical transformation, they get an Oscar nomination. Nicole Kidman in The Hours? Charlize Theron in Monster? Halle Berry in Monster's Ball? Uh huh, yeah. 

Frost/Nixon : I might watch this someday, but it didn't really grab my attention when I saw the few previews. I kept thinking it was something I'd like to watch whenever it came on Netflix. 

Milk : Ok, this is one I really wanted to watch and just didn't. At first, I didn't want to see it because of Sean Penn, then I learned James Franco was going to be in it. Now I'll watch it once it gets to Netflix. Hopefully as a "watch instantly" option. 

The Reader : I knew it was about a retired Nazi guard. I couldn't get through all of Schindler's List so I wasn't sure if I could watch another Holocaust movie. 

Slumdog Millionaire : There was a ton of hype around this movie once award season started and that made me not want to see it. Usually if critics are raving about it, it's not worth seeing. That's one I might see on Netflix too though, I've heard good buzz about it recently from co-workers.  

I have successfully avoided working out at a decent hour thanks to watching the President's speech and then blogging.

"After all, tomorrow is another day." - Scarlett O'Hara 

A Little Bit of This, a Little Bit of That

So let's get all the negative stuff out of the way first, shall we? 

ON NOTICE:

KTLA - DAMN YOU for screwing around with the evening schedule so you could make way for news at 6:30! So not only are you making me watch news at 6:30, but at 10:00 too? Isn't it enough to depress me when I get home from work, but right before I go to bed? Oh and taking away back-to-back episodes of Friends lands you in some serious hot water. Screw you, I'm going to start watching Nick at Nite. hmph

MY NEW NEIGHBOR UPSTAIRS: I have no idea what the hell you are doing at those horrible hours in the morning nor do I want to know but you have got to stop. I swear I would rather have my old neighbors back and wake up to their bed squeaking at a rhythmic pace than your elephant rampage. 2AM, really? Do you not work? If the noise didn't bother me so much I would so be retaliating but I can't bring myself to do it. 

UNSOLICITED ADVISORS: Yes, I'm going on my first international trip Italy....squee!, and no I don't want your advice on what to do unless I ask for it. I know I should make a copy of my passport duh, where I'm staying duh, and other important documentation just in case. I will also find a way to be comfortable, yet stylish and cute I will NOT be wearing a fanny pack and the granny shoes you suggested. Yuck. Yes I know you want to help, so I will just smile and nod until you're finished. That's the polite thing to do even though it's so hard to keep the smart ass comments to myself.

On to good news. Yay. I've been doing really well and getting into my pilates and yoga classes. I nervously hopped on the scale today for the first time since the end of December only because I went to the lady doctor, and I'm happy to say I've lost a few pounds. I've been cutting my portions and really thinking about if I'm hungry when I go in the kitchen. I'm trying to drink more water, but other than that, I've been doing well. 

I didn't get a promotion at work, but I am getting paid more so that is definitely helpful. I'm trying to save as much money as I can for my trip. I am having some serious Border's withdrawals! I'll be shopping a little bit for some basic pieces I can wear, now that I'm not going to be as strapped for moolah. 

I'm hosting a Super Bowl party this weekend and I'm excited to have my friends over and watch some football. I'm sad that the season is over, but that means baseball season is just around the corner! 

It's late, I better get to bed while it's quiet. Grrrr. 

"There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep." -Homer The Odyssey 

New Year, New Changes

So, I've thought about what my New Year's Resolutions will be and most of them are generalized, although there are a few specific things I'd like to accomplish by the end of the year. 

1. Continuing my quest to learn Spanish. I will be fluent this year. 

2. To really cherish those friends that have stuck by me through all of my weird phases and let them know, as often as possible, how much they mean to me.

3. To get slim, and trim, by the time swimsuit season rolls around. Included in this is just to take more time to better myself (that way I don't feel so ridiculed when I'm used as a fit model at work). This equals less alcohol consumption. That's going to be so freaking difficult.... 

4. Spend more time on my art. I rushed myself with a drawing I was working on and wished I had given myself more time. I think I would have done a better job.

5. Spend less time worrying about all the silly drama that revolves around me. Be supportive of my friends but keep information to myself, including information about myself. Sometimes I get to talking to someone about things I don't really want to share for reasons I can't quite explain. I really wish I'd stop being so open.

6. Be on time for work. Who knew that could be so difficult?

Farewell to a great 2008 and cheers to an even better 2009!

  “For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice.”

- Little Gidding II

(Go Dolphins! Tomorrow at 10am PST)